Life. Men. Alcohol. Shoes.

Monday, September 18

Pillow Talk - What not to say

His Fumble

Saturday night, during post-coitus cuddling, the Producer murmurs into the nape of my neck, “Joanna, you’re funny.” The temperature in the room immediately drops 30 degrees – My name is not Joanna. His ex’s name is Joanna. Until I coolly commented that, “My name is not Joanna” he did not realize his error.

He immeditately launched an incredibly nauseating apology. (Kissing my neck.) I don’t care about her anymore... (Kissing my cheek.) I’m sorry... (Kissing my ear.) You are right to be miffed, but trust me - she means nothing to me...

The whole scene ticked me off even more. I thought about leaving – but it was 5:30 AM. At 6:30 AM, I was tired of hearing him talk. I wanted to go to bed, so I let him off the hook: “You are drunk and you said it when you were half asleep.” Case closed.

My Fumble

Something about the Producer which I’ve shockingly remained mum about is his prowess in bed. He is attentive, long-lasting, adventurous, consistent and always puts me first. Not to mention, his stamina is practically unmatchable.

Following the “Joanna” evening, we slept till early afternoon at which point we woke up and started having morning sex. I say lots of things during sex, things like, “I love when you do that” or “I love that.” However, this morning I cut my sentence short and all that came out was, “I love you.”

I do not love him, this I am positive of. I was in the moment and I said it, but I did not mean it. Sadly, I can’t take those words back and I don't think he's going to let me forget it. That afternoon, when his football team was trounced he texted me: “I'm really down, my team is losing. Can you tell me you love me again to cheer me up?”

He said Joanna.
I said Love.
It seems this match is a draw.


At 3:07 PM, Blogger Irish Red said...

I did something very similar with my last bF. It doesnt sound like it was a fatal mistake. besides one cannot be held accountable for statements made during sex! blood has rushed away from the brain - no, no you are not responsible.

At 7:16 PM, Blogger Karina said...

The match isnt a draw... it is totally him winning!!!
He will probably think he has the upper hand on you now because a) you let him get away with calling you his ex and b) you told him you love him.
But i think it can be fixed... just tell him you didnt mean it... and continue to make little comments about the Joanna incident (e.g when he calls answer your phone 'hello, Joanna speaking') hehe
Just so he realises he hasnt been let off that easy

At 7:25 PM, Blogger Downtown said...

Oh yea Karina... I definitely did just that moments after the words passed my lips. I tried to explain it away.

So I've done one better. I spent Saturday night/Sunday day with The Nudist. When the Producer finds out about The Nudist, I'll probably have hell to pay - but at least he won't think I'm in love.

At 7:27 PM, Blogger Style Girl said...

maybe let The Nudist slip out of your mouth the next time drunk, or asleep...?

At 7:51 PM, Blogger Downtown said...

Oh Style Girl - He just texted me about alluding to knowing about the Nudist. His friend was out with us on Saturday night, and since he's hooking up with my roommate, he obviously told that the Nudist stayed over.

Using Katrina's advice, I commented that "at least the Nudist remembers my name..."

The Producer just shot back, that his "multiple apologies and general feeling bad about the situation wasn't enough, so he accepts being demoted."

Life - Always an adventure.

At 10:44 PM, Blogger Karina said...

Haha 'atta girl!!!
You've just taken over the upper hand!!!

At 12:49 PM, Blogger Dustin said...


I think i'd rather hear someone else's name.



I dunno.
Blame alcohol. It's always my excuse.

At 7:02 PM, Blogger Dustin said...

i love it when i get ignored


At 2:06 PM, Blogger Chris said...

"I do not love him, this I am positive of"

Hate to get all freudian here, but....are you sure of that?

At 2:53 PM, Blogger Downtown said...

Dustin -- You are a high maintenance commenter... Either way both comments are terrible embarassing and shouldn't be said - drunk or not.

Chris -- Yes, I am sure of that. I love when he does, what he does so well... but I'm not IN love with him.

At 3:56 PM, Blogger Wanderlusting said...

Oh God.

Sex and the City come to life.

Although, I wouldn't call it an even draw. You may not love him but saying that you love him can not be seen as a...erm, "anger-inducing" term.

Calling you his exe's name (and then having to convince you he cares not for her anymore)...that kind of is.

At 12:14 PM, Blogger Marissa said...

OMG! Ahh! Okay, I told my ex boyfriend I loved him just to stop a fight we were having. I definitely did NOT love him! I feel your pain. He yelled at me. I said I loved him. Hm.

At 12:14 PM, Blogger Marissa said...

OMG! Ahh! Okay, I told my ex boyfriend I loved him just to stop a fight we were having. I definitely did NOT love him! I feel your pain. He yelled at me. I said I loved him. Hm.

At 12:50 PM, Blogger Chris said...

Hey there,

I have a free offer for your readers but I can't find a way to e-mail you. Could you shoot me an e-mail at

Also, I have some publicity related questions I'd like to ask you.



At 1:25 AM, Blogger beautyinbaltimore said...

He is not going to let you forget it.


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