Downtown-Chic

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Sunday, February 4

The "m" word

In a relationship, I never, ever, ever mention marriage. Ever. And for good reason, this isn't something I dwell upon. My parents weren't married until 32, so I figure I have four years to get my act in gear.

However, when I consider my doomed relationships (those which I invested myself in vs. those that were mere "bumper" boyfriends), I'm staring to think that the lack of this word is detrimental to me.

Perhaps in the future, I should stop being the non-commitment gal.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about bringing it up within the first couple months of hanging out. But at some point, when marriage comes up in conversation, I should admit that 'yes, I would like to get married someday.'

I don't think I've ever voiced these words to the men in my life. Not that this is going to cure my dating ills, but at least I'll put upfront where I eventually see myself. Then he'll either get out early, or he'll move ahead fully aware.

I guess I had figured I never needed to say those words, because I had naively believed that everyone wants to get married some day. I'm learning that I'm wrong, people are becoming increasingly happy without the institution. The least I can do is be honest about what I'm looking for.

6 Comments:

At 12:04 PM, Blogger DCVita said...

I thought that I did not have to say anything either. And for the most part, it is correct. Men whom I have dated came right out and said it "I assume you want to get married one day". I guess I have never yet met the kind of guy that would assume otherwise. But it might also have to do with the fact that I live in DC, and a woman near 30 living in DC is definately waiting to be married. At least that is the perception over here.

 
At 2:22 PM, Blogger Frankly, Scarlett said...

well i think there's a certain stigma around the M word - we dont want to say it or use it because it tends to make men run in the other direction. i'm not sure that's NOT a safe assumption.

 
At 8:16 AM, Blogger Ryane said...

I don't use the M word either, but then again--it annoys me that I don't. Mostly because--so What if I want to get married someday??

I think some men have a tendency (or I suppose I should say people) to assume that just because I mention marriage, it means I want to Marry THEM (which may or may not be the case). Just because I talk about marriage doesn't mean I am only focused on marriage. I also talk about tampons--and that doesn't mean all I can think about is tampons, you know??

Still, I do agree w/you that being able to vocalize what you want is a good thing.

 
At 9:30 PM, Blogger jo said...

sometimes i think i'm kinda commitment phobic 'coz i'd do a bit of a freak out inside when a guy i'm seeing mentions marriage (well not exactly that word but leaning towards the general idea of me, him, kids, dog, farm whatever). when in actual fact i do want to get married. maybe it's not commitment phobia but just that you haven't really found the guy you even want to marry.

 
At 12:30 PM, Blogger moxieinthecity said...

There's something to be said for living and thinking with intention. There's a lot of power in it. I was watching the InStyle Special theother night with a re-cap of the "celebrity" weddings. Normally, I'm all "Oh God..what a waste oif money." Right then, I decided to stop thinking that way and start picturing what I'd wear on my wedding day. I know it sounds crazy but you literally have to psyche yourself into a great relationship.

Sex & Moxie
http://www.moxieblog.typepad.com

 
At 3:39 PM, Blogger Milwaukee Girl said...

I wonder why in today's age it seems almost dirty to mention the fact that you may want to spend your life with one person? I'm in your boat, never really mentioned the words much except when I was younger and now I the near thought makes me break out into hives, but some day, some day ...

 

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