Life. Men. Alcohol. Shoes.

Thursday, March 23

NYC Guy Profile #1 - The Older Man

Age: Questionable
Height: 6'5
Build: Tall and Slim, a'la Adrian Brody
Eyes: Brown
Hair: Brown
Profession: Real Estate Investments
Primary Residence: York & somewhere between 61st and 63rd
Secondary Residence: Miami, FL

Meeting Synopsis: After a chance encounter on the 57th Street crosstown bus, we struck up conversation. It was impossible not to notice his striking resemblance to Adrian Brody with a french accent. We ended up walking crosstown together and despite telling him I have a serious boyfriend (which I did at the time) he insisted I take his card. Flattering ...mid 40's Adrian Brody look-a-like gave me his card.

Relationship Details: For the first meeting, we met over drinks at a very sleek-suave mid-town lounge. I was impressed that a date has actually taken me to a nice spot, vs. the Irish pub I've grown accustomed to. I didn't let myself dwell too much on the age thing, until I found myself wondering if his hair is real or a toupee. Over the course of conversation, I learned that he is going through a divorce and has two kids (4 & 7). Easily dismissed because what guy in his ...late 40's... doesn't.

Next encounter, another fabulous location for dinner. As we are waiting for our table, we sit in the lounge for a drink, where one vodka tonic costs more than the bottle of Grey Goose in my freezer. As we are seated, he makes an issue with the hostess about the lighting, which raises the age meter to, uh, ... 50... 'cause no man in his 40's know anything about lighting. (Starting to feel slightly quesy about the age difference -- so much older than originally thought.) From here, the evening takes a quick shot into the gutter. Conversation begins with him telling me we need to celebrate his divorce being finalized that morning... (quesy) Quickly getting bored with all of his 'I'm rich stories,' I look around and realize that this just isn't a restaurant/lounge, it's also part of a hotel.. (super quesy). At this point, I'm semi-freaked out so I've stopped sipping my cocktail and am waiting for him to stop talking so I can make a swift exit....

Deal Breaker: He must have caught my "gonna jet" vibe, because without even stopping the next minute went like this... Him: "I would like to kiss you" and he goes straight in for it. Me: Playing with my earring I had my hand at chest level, without even a moment to dodge the old man lips, he plants one on me. Lots of wet, lots of tounge, no lip... (Bile rises in my throat.) I use my arm to push him violently away. Him: "Now, that was a nice kiss." Me: "Uh, shoot I forgot I have to meet my friends uptown, gotta go...." I was out of there in under 30 seconds, before he paid for the bill.

** Editor's note: It took me six days to write this little exchange without feeling nausous. **


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