Life. Men. Alcohol. Shoes.

Thursday, March 23

The Marriage Trainer

A quick relationship analysis uncovers something quite unpleasant. After breaking up with me, each of my last 4 (yes, 1-2-3-4) ex-boyfriends have gone on to marry their next serious girlfriend. It's frightening obvious, in the time these men have spent with me, I've refined them and prepared them for marriage -- I'm a Marriage Trainer.

I am always attracted to guys with jagged edges. Under my extended tutorlidge (1 year minimum), these men develop... (Before you freak out, please note: I am not changing the guy, just refining. Think of him as a plant and my time & love as Miracle Gro.) ...they develop a fashion sense, a greater respect for and understanding of women, they learn a skin care regimine and that SuperCuts is never worth $8. I prepare them emotionally, by repairing damage from parents and past-relationships and boost their confidence.

All you ladies who want to get married, stay alert: I've just released another ex into the wilds of Boston. Keep your ears peeled for a 6', Yankee fan from Vermont... You might just be his next serious girlfriend and we all know what that means.

(Just don't meet him too soon, I'm not quiet ready to have this ex marry. We've been apart for only 3 months, give me till Christmas. Hopefully, I'll have found a replacement project by then.)


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